Is Your Man Cheating?
5 Ways to Fxck Around and Find Out Without Checking His Phone
I wish I could say I’m one of those women who have somehow escaped being cheated on, but alas—it has happened more times than I’d like to admit. Don’t worry, I’ve been and am currently in therapy, and I’m doing just fine. I’ve healed from my heart breaks but I’ve learned a lot along the way.
I can think of three men in particular who gave me the blueprint for what to look for if you want to know whether your man is cheating. I have pretty amazing intuition and instincts as a Taurus women, but I”m the kinda girl that also need hard evidence—without a shadow of a doubt—that I am, and was, right.
Some of these tips I picked up from equally savvy friends; others I learned the hard way through experience. But I want you to approach these tactics with caution: if you’re not going to leave your man, or if you don’t really want to know the truth, stop reading now. Because if you go looking, you might just find something that completely changes your view of the man in your life.
But if you’re anything like me and you just have to know, read on—and report back in the comments.
If You Think He’s Cheating, He Is
First things first: if you think he’s cheating, he probably is. A woman’s intuition is something otherworldly. You know your man. You know his routines. You know his moods. You know when he starts acting funny. You know when he starts picking fights.
He might try to gaslight you into thinking nothing’s wrong, but you aren’t crazy. That little voice in the back of your head—“Why is he acting this way? Why is he being so secretive? Why is he taking his phone everywhere now?”—listen to it.
I recommend that when the two of you are alone, in a comfortable place, and having a regular conversation, you flat-out slip in: “Are you cheating on me?” Watch his reaction. Listen to his response.
Some men will surprise you and come clean, thinking you know more than you do. Some will deny it. Some will gaslight. And if, after that, you still need more concrete evidence, head to the next point. Trust me: there have been times when I had absolutely no clue a man was cheating—and he was.
Hit That Instagram Send Button
This one may require access to his phone—but not necessarily. A good friend shared this hack with me a day before I visited a guy I was dating.
In the morning, while still in bed, he loved to start his day with a long, mindless Instagram scroll. I’d snuggle up next to him while he showed me funny videos, memes, and pop culture news. He never had an issue leaving his phone in the room with me or even giving me the phone to hold and we were very much in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, blissfully floating on cloud nine.
Then I remembered my friend saying: “You’ll find out a lot about a man, not only from his likes on Instagram, but from who he’s sending things to. So check his sends.”
So while he was scrolling, I quickly interrupted and said: “Let me see something.” While the phone was still in his hand, I hit the send button on the next image that popped up—and noted the first person there. A woman. Let’s call her The Ex That He Was Actually Still in a Full, Committed Relationship With, because that’s exactly who she was.
I asked him right then: “Who is this?” He stuttered: “Oh, that’s my ex.” But I was aware of all of his exes, and this woman was completely new to me. So I said: “Let me see your DMs.” He brought them up. They had chatted just the day before, and the conversation seemed to have transitioned from DMs into real life. I asked if they had spoken on the phone. He said yes but added that I didn’t need to worry about her. If a man tells you NOT to worry…worry like all hell because you’re on to something
Y’all, I kid you not: one month later, I found out he was still that girl’s boyfriend when we started dating—and almost the entire time we were together. If it wasn’t for me hitting that send button, I never would have known she existed and what a diabolical liar he was.
And if you’re reading my paid Substack…yes, this is indeed The Ivy Leaguer, but more on that soon.
When in Doubt, Check These 3 Physical Locations
His socks, his vacuum, and the drain in his shower. These spots will tell you everything you need to know.
This is how I found out The Good Guy (another tale from my paid Substack) was cheating. No need to flip his house upside down—these three places give it away.
Socks: Men hardly ever take off their socks when visiting someone or just lounging at home. Hair easily catches on socks. Cross-reference the hair with yours. (Hopefully, he lives alone otherwise it’s trickier.) If he’s cheating with someone bald, or someone with the same hair length, color, and texture as you, this may not be reliable. In my case, the hairs were a deep burgundy red and I would simply never.
Vacuum cartridge: This is what confirmed it for me. I found burgundy strands stuck in the vacuum.
Shower drain: Men rarely clean their shower drains. When you see hair that isn’t yours, you’ve got your tipping point: why is some other broad in your shower? Make it make sense.
Fitness Apps (Because He’s Arrogant Enough to Track Everything)
I’ve caught a man lying and cheating not once, but twice thanks to the Strava fitness app.
Most men track their fitness. It’s an ego boost. But if they forget to turn off tracking, the app records exact coordinates, time, and heart rate.
A guy I was dating said he was going for a bike ride we both followed each other on Strava. The next day, his ride floated across my timeline and wouldn’t you know, it veered through Brooklyn to Crown Heights, where he stayed at a particular location all night—nine hours and thirty-two minutes to be exact—before riding home at 7 a.m. I looked up the address. It belonged to his ex. I screenshot his ride along with the metrics and texted it to him. That was how that relationship ended.
If he’s a sports guy, he probably has Strava app. Trust me: anything that can be counted as activity is tracked. Forgetting it’s basically a GPS tracker? Classic mistake.
Follow the Money
If you want to know who a man is loving, wining, and dining, check his Venmo history.
I discovered a man had a full-blown live-in girlfriend while trying to date me. She was splitting rent with him via Venmo and paying for small dinners, groceries, and home expenses with little kissy faces. It was very enlightening.
Venmo is also a crafty way to contact someone that’s blocked. I was stalked by The Ivy Leaguer’s Ex (if you have no idea who that is read my very first Substack). She sent me $1 through Venmo just to add a comment telling me to go to hell. Brilliant and certifiable. Do with that information what you will.
In all honesty, I hope your man isn’t cheating. I hope you’re happily committed, married, or single and loving it like me. But just in case—there’s no gatekeeping here. Tuck these tips in the back of your mind and guard your heart above all else, because it determines the course of your life.
Heavy on the guard your heart ❤️. Great post!
Ah, yet another reason to prioritize protecting your peace! :)